I Married You Not Your Family by Linda Mintle Ph.D

Author:Linda Mintle, Ph.D. [Mintle, Linda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Christian Life, Religion, ebook, book, Love & Marriage
ISBN: 9781599792958
Publisher: Charisma House
Published: 2008-04-08T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

Gender Relations

MYTH 6 A more traditional marriage will

save us.

FORGET STAR WARS; Gender Wars is playing at a couple’s home near you:

He’s too dominating.

She should submit.

He wants dinner on the table when he walks in the door.

She shouldn’t work outside the home.

He should help out with the kids.

She’s been home all day. What’s she been doing?

He treats me like a child.

She acts like I’m her dad.

He controls the money.

She can have money whenever she asks for it.

Face it. Like everyone else, you and your spouse have long lists of how you each think the other should behave. Your lists are influenced by how you think about gender roles. Gender ideas come from the culture, your families, and your personal experiences with men and women. What is usually missing from this formula is an informed biblical view.

Gender is a hot button for most couples. Arguments can be traced to core assumptions each partner has about how men and women are supposed to relate. Yet these assumptions are rarely discussed prior to marriage, so they play out in any number of ways. For example, should husbands help out in the kitchen? Should wives run family finances? The answers to questions like these depend on your personal views about gender.

Trouble erupts when you and your spouse have different ideas about how men and women should behave. Fights can even lead to divorce when couples don’t know how to balance power and treat each other with mutual respect. If you want your marriage to work, tackle the gender issues in your relationship. Make gender a topic of discussion. Then check to see if there is hidden anger over gender disagreements.

Gender issues involve the use and abuse of power. The sobering truth (borne out by research) is that marriage is not always good for women. Married women have higher incidences of emotional and physical health problems compared to unmarried women. The opposite is true for men. Married men live longer, suffer less depression, and are healthier than unmarried men.1 And for some women, marriage is a private hell of abuse.

A Problem With Submission?

JERRY: Dr. Mintle, you are a Christian woman. Teach my wife how to be a properly submissive wife. We wouldn’t fight if she would just let me lead. Someone’s filled her head with feminism, and I can’t deal with her. All we do is argue lately. She won’t listen to me or do what I tell her. It’s not like I’m not good to her. I give her money when she needs it. I tell her she’s a good housewife. I don’t get it.

SHAUNA:He doesn’t get it. He’s living in the 1950s and keeps talking about having a ‘traditional’ family. He wants me to do everything at home and never question his decisions. I lived on my own for five years before we married and did well, thank you. He treats me like I don’t have a brain in my head and keeps quoting Scripture about women submitting to their husbands. People at church tell me to do what he says and not question him.

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